A Belated Return...

So a LOT has gone on since my last blog post.
I am now:
* Training to be a secondary school English teacher
* Living in Trinity College, Oxford
*A post grad (!) after leaving UEA with a 2.1 in English Literature
*Secretary on the Staff Student Liaison Committee in my Education Department
*MATRICULATED (see photo)



The last few months living in Norwich went by in a daze. I was craving a change, and at the time felt as if I was going to spend the rest of my life feeling as bored and trapped as I did there.

My room had a big window- which I seemed to spend far too long gazing out of- but apart from that, was pretty much a box.

Oh, and there was a lot of housemate angst, which meant that over the 9-10 months I was living there, the resident in the fourth bedroom changed twice.

I spent the winter months between either my tiny bedroom, or Norwich Library, where there were always fantastic church-views, and, usually, a spare table where I could set up base. I was really proud of my dissertation, which I completed at a time when I was also feeling really low and struggling with my self-esteem, so the high grade really boosted my mood.

Before long, Graduation came, and despite my initial anxiety that I knew no-one on my course, I had a lovely day and was supported by both my wonderful parents, and my lovely boyfriend!

After Graduation, I felt such a weight off my shoulders. The three years that I had spent in Norwich and Canberra, away from home, had been tremendously formative. I had learnt a lot about myself, and also a lot about other people. Sadly, I think my time at university has actually made me a lot more cynical of others, but I think this is all part of growing up and leaving the protective bubble that was both my secondary school and my home life. I have learnt that, ultimately, you can depend on very few people but yourself. I have learnt not to expect too much of other people, but also not to expect too much of me. That doesn't mean don't set yourself high goals or aims, it just means that unless you find some sort of peace and happiness with yourself, until you stop comparing yourself to others and others' expectations of you, then life will just pass you by as it did me.

Over the summer, my brother reminded me to "be gentle" with myself, and actually, I wished someone would have told me this a lot earlier... perhaps at the beginning of second year where I had returned from an incredible summer to what felt like a cold, damp and unfriendly atmosphere in 'digs'. I beat myself up and tried to dredge up awful memories which I believed would somehow make my creative writing more valid. By my shoddy grade, this obviously didn't work!


I've grown up a lot this summer too, I feel. I'm happier with who I am, and surround myself with people and activities which I love. I have learnt to say no (!) and then to not feel guilty for doing so- which is an amazing freedom!

I have had to recognise that I am no longer a child, and yet not quite as adult as I think I am expected to be.

I now actively try and read bbc.news online as often as I can (what I consider an "adult pursuit"!), but at the same time I still climb walls and jump on crisp autumn leaves like any kid on my walk to the Education Department!

I force myself to pause and smile and be grateful whenever I spot something beautiful. I love spires and steeples and the peel of church bells. I love it when someone smiles and the corners of their eyes crinkle; I love it when someone makes the effort to say "hello" or "good morning" or "thank you" as you pass them on the streets, and I especially love it when you see a smile pass on: contagious.



And yet with great beauty and happiness inevitably comes sadness, and there is no way that I could go on without dedicating this post to my Silky.

I could find lots more photogenic photos of her looking prim and proper and beautifully cut, but this one probably captures her for how she really was on a daily basis.

Silky was 12 years old (turning 13 this December). She had the sweetest temperament and was the "most feline dog" that every lived! She loved nothing better than rolling over and being stroked, and curling up to bask in sunny beams of light.

As I haven't yet returned home to find her presence no-longer there, I am still very much in disbelief that she should be absent: she has always been there.

So here's to you Silky-Bilky! May you be happy and peaceful and know how much you were loved <3

Over and Out

Love, a soon-to-be teacher x

A busy week...

As the title suggests, this looks set to be a very busy week. And If I'm honest, it is already scaring me before it has even begun... I have two books to read and an essay worth 50% of my module to complete. I also have to look up "two ideal jobs" for a course I'm taking on work experience and options after my PGCE. But if that wasn't enough I also have a ridiculous amount of additional commitments.

For those that know me they'll also know that I love dancing.

I love disco dancing. I love Salsa dancing. I love Dirty Dancing [the movie guys, get your heads out of the gutter), but I have not yet taken my it upon myself to learn Bollywood. This week is one hell of a hands-on  dancing class. As of Monday 5pm I will be meeting EVERY evening next week to learn 3 bollywood dances before I have to perform them onstage at my university on Wednesday 21st March. Nerves would be an understatement! The girl that's teaching us is ridiculously good. She studies Contemporary Indian Dance at a fancy college somewhere apparently, and I'm now very suddenly scared of what I have got myself in for!

To make this even more of a fully-fledged Indian appreciation week, I have also signed myself up for taking part in an Introduction to Hindi lesson at a local department store, in the attempt to learn some Hindi and then write about my experience in the uni newspaper. No-one reads the Arts sections anyway, but I thought it sounded like fun! And I love the thrill of getting into cultural events free with some sort of authority!! Moreover, before the busy next week has even begun, this Sunday UEA IndianSoc and HinduSoc are celebrating Holi! I have celebrated it every year since I have been at university, and despite the horrid essay deadline, I cannot miss out on another great opportunity to cover myself in paint in the name of the Indian festival of colour!! As my brother quite aptly laughed over the phone the other day: "Katherine you were born in the wrong skin. You should definitely be Indian!!"

Fitness-wise cycling into uni, walking back with the Indian society, Pilates on Monday evening and dance every evening next week too is hopefully gonna keep me really fit! My muscles in my arms and legs are already aching from the 1.5hours of intense indian contemporary dance we were briefly taught last Wednesday!

In accordance with my Lenten promise, here's what I am grateful for today:

I am grateful for the opportunities we are given to get involved. I am grateful for how welcoming other cultures can be, and I am grateful for how dance can bring people from all walks of life together. I am grateful that as I write this, the sun has peeped out and there are patched if blue amidst the clouds!

Love,

A Grateful Blogger

xxxxx

Platonic Love: Just a topic for seminar discussion?

Love.

I didn't overly question this word until I began a module entitled Shakespeare: Shadow and Substance earlier this semester. And now I'm hooked. I'm hooked on love. According to Plato love is a hell of a lot more complicated than we give it credit for, and to be honest I think we all know that.

Love is splashed across billboards, magazines, adverts for M&S desserts to H&M dresses: don't we just love them. We can love an artist, love a film, love a pizza topic. We can love family, love friends, love a lover. But Plato desires us to love beauty, to love a kind of elevated love that exists in some kind of spiritual plain. Well Plato, this post is NOT  for you, old man, 'cause this post is dedicated to love of a certain person who I could not imagine a life without.

This person makes me smile just thinking about them. According to Plato, when a lover is in love with their beloved they see them everywhere they turn. I guess Plato got that one right. I see the one I love everywhere. I see them in sport, I see them in films, I see them in the sunshine and blue skies and I see them in the green green grass. I hear them in songs. I smell them when a complete stranger walks past.

Love is odd. It can take over entirely. Plato believed that love led to madness. That's pretty scary. But sometimes, that madness is worth it if  you get to spend just a moment in their company. Because in that one moment, I believe that Plato may actually be talking sense. In that one moment you leave the cave and enter the light. In that one moment you actually taste, see, hear and smell beauty. Not human beauty but true beauty. As Erasmus described it, one can "foretaste" some kind of heaven.

Yet, Erasmus discussed love and madness in a work which he entitled "Praise of Folly". Perhaps love is folly! Perhaps the lover is simply a fool. If that is so then I will assume that said title.

All the best,

A Fool (for Love)

X

Grey Skies, High Spirits

You don't hear from me in a month and then BAM two posts in one day - lucky you!

What these two posts do suggest though is that I have far too much free time... or... more likely, that I am avoiding doing real work. Knocked the nail on the head with that one my friends.

So, it's now nearing 3pm on a bleak Tuesday afternoon, and I am trawling the world of fashion blogs (just discovered "Runway Hippie" which I LOVE right now <3 and also writing up a little list of the 100 Things I Want To Do Before I Die. Sounds depressing but it's seriously motivating.

Realised a lot of things are ultimately things to do when you're alone, which also sounds pretty bleak, but I guess it's unrealistic to suppose I will always be surrounded by loved ones, so maybe some of my 100 Things, such as going on a Spiritual Retreat, can be done when I have my nervous breakdown/early mid-life crisis and need something different and RomCom film-ey to get myself through it. Ahh if life was a film then things would be so much funnier.

Anywho, I am now sort of sitting and waiting for my Academic Advisor Clare Connors to get back to me regarding my Dissertation and give me things to amend, whilst I sit here jotting down things that my Dad has left to the last second to mention and thinks I should include in my project. Everything he's put is awesome, but I am already nearing 900 words over my wordcount, and after everything I have added to my second draft aatempt today I think I will be looking at a 10,000 word essay as opposed to the specified 8000. Whoopsie.

Meanwhile also stressing about whether or not I will get to see my boyfriend this weekend (George and Mum have turned around to me yesterday and said that they might be driving my home Saturday now instead of Sunday, in which case I won't get to pop in on my lovely boyf in Warwick) and am also stressing generally about returning to Norwich (which I am somewhat dreading). Moreover, there is the continued concern over PGCE and Clare Connors not replying and me flunking the year and my entire degree etc etc [INSERT FURTHER MELODRAMA]

In the meantime, I will return to my work and try and ignore the blogs and Facebook (will try and delete it if I cna this year, it only brings me down and makes me compare my life to other peoples) and get this dissertation cracked!

Muchos besos xoxox

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

2012 at last... Supposedly this will be the End. The End of the World.

I have chosen, quite intentionally, to spell the word "End" with a capital "E" for various reasons. First and foremost, I think it adds a sense of drama and unnecessary foreboding tension to the notion that the end is nigh and that in 11 months there will be a crashing crescendo of tumbling doom and we will all awake on the other side and wonder what all the fuss was about.

But I also choose to highlight the word "End" because I think, actually, it is rather important. The end of anything only marks the beginning of something else. This year will indeed be the "End" for me, but only the end of one stage of my life as yet. I will (hopefully, eventually, this time next week!) have finished, or "ended" my Dissertation (the one on Cloning if you remember) which has been a bit of a burden since I had to rack my brain for a topic this time 4months ago. Nevertheless, I think I am going to miss it.

This year will also mark the end of my Undergraduate University Days (again, the unnecessary capital letters are for emphasis). Indeed my UUD (as I shall call it) at UEA (this one's official!) will end in only a few months time, and with it I will have to move onwards and upwards with life, and career choices and whatnot and can only leave things down to fate, as I have yet to hear from my university of choice where I have applied to do a PGCE and become a teacher! Yay for further time at uni and avoidance of the outside world! Boo for not yet having heard anything hopeful.

This year (as in March 29th) I will also be "ending" if you wish my childhood. In turning 21 (drum roll please...) I will be OFFICIALLY an adult (ignoring the whole turning 18 shindig) and have to organise a little party etc.and take it all in my stride... Which brings me onto a further concern: Do I know enough people to invite?? I.e. Do I have enough friends? ANY friends? And even if I invite a small handful of my friends from around the globe/England, what is the likelihood that ANY of them will show up?? Even with the added incentive of free buffet food and a potential tab behind the bar?!

Rant over... but you can tell it's on the Brain (no need to explain my capitals anymore, just roll with it my dearest readers...!)

So yeah, this year may be the End, but I'm hopeful. It's the end of my LONGGG dissertation, my official childhood, my university years, my very mild depression of sorts that comes with living so far away from those I love, and here's to the future! Here's to 2012 offering us all hope and whatnot. Here's to getting in to a university to study my PGCE, here's to living closer to my family, and Chris, here's to getting a good grade from UEA and feeling proud of my efforts, and partying with my friends and hopefully seeing Megan again, and generally feeling happier in my skin.

Here's to not feeling as guilt-tripped, yet trying to be a nicer, less judgemental person. Here's to working hard, playing hard, resting hard, praying hard. Here's to not letting people walk all over me, for making my own decisions. For doing things I love, being with people I love the company of, laughing and loving and finding some sort of inner peace! New Years Resolutions to the MAX!

And to you, my imaginary reader, I hope you treasure the gift of life. I hope you can find something each day, each week at a push, that will make you smile. If possible, find something that makes you smile when you are all alone, and then with that smile realise that whatever may be, may be, but that you will be alright, and that ultimately you can survive alone if you have faith. Other people make the days worth living, but to find something to smile over when you are all alone is the greatest gift of all. You have found inner peace.... Something I am still pursuing!

For now, adieu xxxxx